“Why Am I Still So Anxious?”: When Anxiety Won’t Shake
To oversimplify it, anxiety is an exhausting, heart-racing and discouraging state of being that causes our brains to focus on the possibility of something bad happening rather than what is actually happening and what we logically know to be true. Experiencing anxiety can be likened to a switch being turned on that feels impossible to turn back off despite best efforts.
In my practice I see and deeply empathize with people who have tried other therapies, relaxation steps, pharmaceuticals and more—yet, feel discouraged because: “I’m still anxious!”. It can be terribly frustrating to feel like you have tried everything, all without lasting relief of anxiety. This leads to people asking the question “Why am I still anxious?”. In this blog post, I hope to offer clarity and validation, but in conjunction, possible solutions.
Healthy Perspective
The fact of the matter is anxiety is a universal experience that (contrary to how horrible it feels internally) is our brain trying to protect us from something bad happening, which is great! It is to your benefit to feel anxiety if a bear is chasing you, it would be greatly to your dismay to not perceive the potential for harm in this circumstance. But what happens when the bear is not chasing us and it feels as though it is? That’s where we run into trouble.
As a byproduct of bad past memories that serve as confirmation bias, trauma, and physiological needs (like more sleep, food, water, etc) our brain's ability to experience anxiety within proportion can become disruptive. I think that in these circumstances it is important to offer our brain compassion (it’s trying to do a good job) and recognize that perhaps the problem is not the problem.
For completely justifiable reasons, we have hyperfocused on the symptoms over the potential pathology that may be contributing to the symptoms. If we address what is underneath, naturally the surface begins to shift. We don’t often do this because it can be scary! It is intimidating to look at the things that distress us and acknowledge our safety to do so, even when our brain tells us a different story.
Solutions
So how is this done? Before we unpack treatment options that may be of support, it is important to know that there is no type of therapy that will prevent you from ever experiencing anxiety again. Flee from any therapist who claims to be able to do so. Anxiety is not necessarily our enemy here, what we are tackling is anxiety out of proportion and out of bounds.
All that to say, here are the three treatment routes I typically will utilize in helping people get their anxiety within proportions:
One route I may take is using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). This type of therapy helps people reduce anxiety by changing their relationship to distressing thought and imagery rather than eliminating it all together. This is one by minimizing habitually challenging or disputing anxious thoughts and instead, noticing thoughts without judgement or action. With time, people will begin to make decisions based off of their personal values as opposed to what their anxiety demands. This is a great type of therapy because it increases psychological flexibility, focuses on personal volition and values, and present moment awareness.
Another option in anxiety treatment that I will use is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). Often, people may carry anxiety that is deeply intertwined and connected to unresolved past negative experiences. EMDR is especially helpful for clients whose past experiences still feel “alive” in the present, triggering distress even when they logically know they are safe. In our work together, I help clients gently identify the memories, beliefs, and physical sensations tied to their anxiety, and then guide them through a structured process that includes bilateral stimulation, like guided eye movements. EMDR, while highly effective, only works when done safely, that’s why it is important to go to an EMDR trained clinician. I have completed my training through an EMDRIA certified trainer.
Lastly, for people with high anxiety, I may utilize Emotion Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT). This is for people who may have unresolved past negative experiences but perhaps do not feel comfortable with EMDR or prefer more traditional talk therapies. With EFIT, I focus on helping clients understand and transform the emotional roots of their anxiety, especially as it relates to attachment and relationships. I often see anxiety not just as a set of symptoms, but as a signal of unmet emotional needs or fears around safety, connection, and worth. In our work together, I help clients slow down and tune into their emotional experiences, making sense of patterns that may have developed in response to past relationships or attachment injuries.
If anxiety has been taking up more space in your life than you’d like, we can take a look at it together. You don’t need to have everything figured out before reaching out, just a sense that something isn’t working the way you want it to. In a consultation, we can talk through what’s been going on, what you’ve already tried, and what you’re hoping might feel different. If it seems like a good fit, we can move forward from there.